Transcript:

You’re listening to The Parents of Hardworking Teens Podcast, episode 99: Have we gone too far on telling students that results don’t matter and their teenage years should be fun and chill? A little bit of a discussion on the benefits of wanting to work hard, do well and take on the challenge of pushing for academic goals. 

Hey Very Important Parents and Carers. I hope you and your teens are doing great.

I am currently in the swing of collating everything for the 100th episode of the podcast.
I’ve got a structure and plan for it now and am putting it all together.

Thank you again if you contributed your feedback and an extra-big thank you if you got on a Zoom call with me. You know I love speaking with all of you and getting to know you and your teens a bit more. I’ve got tell you that one of my favourites was a student who did the 10 Week Grade Transformation Program and then was in Next Level Coaching and is now in her first year of uni and booked in a Zoom call with me just to tell me how so many of the skills and much of what she picked up and mastered is already proving to be so useful for her at uni. Especially the note-taking, answering questions succinctly and staying super-focused and direct, because she’s studying law and she commented on how they have like 50 words to get across some really key points and issues and she never would’ve been able to do that without the skills and strategies that she’s now got under her belt.

So that’s been super cool and I’m really looking forward to unleashing episode 100 with you next week!!!

 Now, just yesterday I discovered that this week is actually Mental health Awareness week. Now, I’m in no way qualified to talk about mental health and wellbeing of anyone, but I know that it’s an important topic to many of you in relation to your teens, their study and their life balance. And honestly, I’m happy to get any critical feedback. 

Today I want to touch on what I’m seeing happen for a few students in relation to their approach to their study, as they try to protect their mental health and life balance, and to some extent protect their reputation, self-confidence and conform to peers and messages from the media and other influences today. 

We so often hear about the ways in which putting themselves under too MUCH pressure, or overworking or comparing their results to others, can be detrimental to students mental health. And of course that is true in some cases. And I’m certainly not here to give advice, I’m just going to share my experience as a teacher, study coach and even reflecting on my experience as a student - but I will say that I’ve found myself wondering whether sometimes, due to the challenges and very real issues around mental health, in particular for students, the messages are losing a little bit of balance and losing the other side of the coin where hard work can be a positive, even be enjoyable and even be beneficial for mental health and self-development.

Probably this is aimed at those of you who have students who are hard workers and want to be told it’s okay to want to do well and work hard. That life, at least as I see it, isn’t EITHER work hard OR have fun. There is space for both. Sometimes at the same time. 

It’s also for those of you who have a teen who maybe is capable of more and they’ve kinda bought into the idea that the easy path is actually the right or best path and that settling for passing has become or could become their norm and actually isn’t really benefiting them either in life or their mental health.

Now, I myself talk a fair bit about the importance of life balance and reducing unnecessary or unhelpful stress for students. Because we want to take steps to reduce the unnecessary struggles, so that your teen has the capacity to take on the worthwhile and impactful struggles. We want to reduce the overworking and optimise the hard work. So, when students tell me at the start of Y12 that they’re already planning on taking a bridging course, when they could well get directly into the course they want, or they don’t push themselves to do anything more than get a pass mark in a subject or assignment – not because they are putting their effort or focus somewhere else, which may well be a valid and strategic reason, but just because, I’m wondering if the messages from society and the media have swung a bit too far to the side of – results aren’t important, you don’t need to follow the direct path to a career, you don’t need good grades to be successful.

I totally agree with all of that. I am not saying that those messages aren’t valid at ALL. I just don’t want your teen choosing a longer or less direct path just because they don’t think they are capable of taking the direct path when they totally could be.
I don’t want them missing out on a future opportunity they want or MIGHT want in future that does require high academic results. Because, some do.

And I don’t want your teen to sell themselves short because they’ve been told that results don’t matter or because they are overly worried that working hard for a period of time, or having any amount of stress is going to lead to burn out or a terribly unhappy and un-fun couple of years of their education.

Now, I’m sure that anyone who has a teen who has struggled with academic stress and pressures might feel that I am way off track with encouraging some students to push a bit harder, or encouraging them to go after an ambitious goal. But, for some students I do think they could benefit from someone supporting them in going after a goal rather than telling them they’re working too hard or that their results don’t matter. It’s as if we need to always be having more fun in order to be happy, when actually working hard feeling a sense of pride and achievement can in fact bring happiness, build their confidence and enhance their life experience.

Example: let’s picture a mountain.

There are two ways to get to the top. 

There is the steep and challenging hike straight up the side directly from the bottom to the peak. A more direct route, but certainly tougher mentally and physically, more difficult, more strenuous.

Are there some people out there who might be skilled and equipped to take that route? Yes. 

Even some who WANT to take that route? Some people who might want to take on that challenge, will benefit from it, will even enjoy it? 
Yes.

Are there some potential risks? Like getting injured, having setbacks, maybe even the risk of actually not making it to the top? 
Yes. 

Are there also ways to minimise those risks? Ways for those people to take care of themselves and keep themselves as safe as possible, make things planned and strategic along the way? 
Yes.

And then there’s also a network of paths that wind around the mountain, gradually scaling upwards. These are much longer, but much less arduous.
Are there people for which this option is most suitable and healthier? 
Yes. Absolutely.

In fact, sometimes we might climb a bit, walk a bit. That’s an option too.

Both ways will get you to the top.

It might be that your teen knows that after this mountain, they have another adventure that they want to embark on, they might want to get to the top as quickly as possible.
Or, maybe they’re taking the slow and gentle path because they maybe have an injury, something that genuinely means that a steep climb would be a bad idea.
Maybe they know that isn’t even the mountain they want to be climbing!
Or maybe they’re taking the slow path because they have another challenge they’ve just worked on and achieved or a different challenge coming up, so strategically, they’re easing up on this particular one.  Their challenges come from other things.

If your teen wants to climb the mountain, and do it safely and enjoy the process, then I’m all for it and I think that there are students out there craving the support to give it a damn good go. They’d even like to develop the skills and strategies that will equip them to do it with less of the setbacks and build the belief that they can do it. (Which, by the way, I think is helpful to hear if your results aren’t what you hoped for, but not helpful to hear while you are working for those results.)


There is both potential risk and reward in going after the goal.
And there is also risk and reward in NOT doing so.

When they play it safe, sell themselves short – which IS what I think is happening in some cases these days – even dare I say it being encouraged in some cases, because of the fear of the potential negatives - We are risking their ambition, their drive, their ability to push themselves and realise their true potential, their confidence that comes from working hard for something and achieving it.

It's just that the fear of the negative feels so much bigger sometimes than the fear of not having those positives.

I just wonder whether there could be a more balanced view of things.

If we stay aware of the dangers and risks of climbing the mountain, we can take steps to stay safe, to rest when needed, to get the training and skills that will help us climb safely and successfully. To plan and execute strategically.

The way to tackle a tough climb is not to just go hell for leather and just hustle to the top. That won’t work. But can we still take on the challenge and use climbing techniques, the right gear and safety harnesses, the appropriate footwear, have a support crew.

So, is there a way we can approach this with your teen’s study?
To have them push themselves when that push is coming from a positive place rather than a place of comparison or fear of failure. Or take the long but gentle path when that is coming from a positive place, rather than a place of fear of burnout or failure.

For some students, they may well be capable of taking the perhaps tougher but more direct path.

They might even benefit from seeing what they’re capable of, from experiencing the grit of working hard and the sense of pride and achievement if they achieve that goal OR even the experience of not achieving the goal but having given it their all.

There is a fine line between healthy competition and judgement.

Between pride and ego.

 So, what I’m saying here is that we are not just risking things, there aren’t just potential negative consequences if we take things too far when we aim high.

We also risk things when we don’t aim high and take things too far the other way.

We risk not just not meeting, but actually lowering our potential.

We risk not developing grit and resilience.

We risk never finding out what we are capable of achieving or seeing what our work capacity really is.


Some students will benefit from and get a lot out of climbing or at least attempting to climb the mountain. 

Others will be better off and benefit from taking the side paths.
I do think we have a lot of media messages telling teens to take the easy path. Recommending it, almost advising it.

I don’t see many people saying- hey- climb the mountain. Go for it. Push yourself. Result might be good AND the experience might be really valuable. (And can start on next challenge sooner too).


Both can be good options. I just want to be a bit of a voice and cheerleader for those students who want to do the climb, or for those of you who as parents think your teen could benefit from doing the climb, maybe even you know they are capable of it and they are doubting themselves and they could benefit from the confidence boost that comes from pursuing and working for something – especially if they have the appropriate training, skills and support to do it.

I hope you've found this useful.
Have a fantastic week.