TRANSCRIPT:

You’re listening to The Parents of Hardworking Teens Podcast, episode 125 - the risk your teen runs when they ‘quote’ - do their best’ in their study, -  what happens when that risk pays off , what happens when it doesn’t and how to reduce the level of effort-risk, so that they’re INVESTING their time and effort, rather than gambling with it. 

If your teen is constantly doing their best, and sometimes you’re concerned about them OR if your teen is NOT putting in their best and you’re concerned about that - then this episode is for you.

Hey VIP’s! How’s things?! I hope you and your teens are really well.
Today I want to talk about ‘effort risk’.
 

This isn’t a technical term, it’s just a term I’ve come up with as I’ve been thinking about this topic and considering this episode. But it is something I’ve thought a LOT about over the years. Because it’s easy to think that there’s nothing to lose by giving something your best.  You’ll have likely heard me talk before about the issues with telling teens - just do your best or’ as long as you try your best’. 
I did a whole podcast episode about that in episode 9 - Just do your best, and other things they don’t want to hear. 
 

Now, in many ways it IS good to do your best.
If we’re going to do something, we may as well do it well. There’s the saying that ‘how you do one thing is how you do everything’. And there’s definitely benefit in putting your best into things. About having pride in what you do or produce, and how you work- whatever that work is. But, just personally, I don’t think this is a totally clear cut thing. I don’t think that just knowing that you tried your best is always enough to counter the downside of trying but failing to achieve what you wanted to. I do think there is a risk to doing that. And I think it’s easy (and if I’m being honest and blunt here - easy and convenient) to overlook or gloss over the risks that are involved, that consciously or subconsciously your teen may be thinking. 

From what I’ve observed in students over the years, and for sure in myself, is that there is at least some risk to putting in a ton of effort and giving something your best.  Now, this isn’t to say you shouldn’t encourage your teen to put in their best effort.Not at all. I just think that it’s good to be aware of what that involves, below the surface. To be aware of what’s on the line AND perhaps this will also provide an explanation as to why your teen might not be willing to give their all to something in their study. 

The first thing I think students risk when they put effort into their study is their confidence.

If we put our best effort into something, and it doesn’t produce the result or outcome we hoped or thought it would, then our confidence is going to be dented. Perhaps just a tiny bit for a short time until we bounce back. But what I’ve seen happen is that over time, if those dents build up, they can take longer to repair or even end up becoming a long term big chunk taken out of their confidence that they carry with them for a very long time. 

Now, I believe that confidence comes from: creating a positive result and knowing how you did it. It doesn’t come from creating a positive result and feeling like it was guesswork or a fluke. That shows potential, but it does not instill future confidence to be able to do it again. And confidence is dented or reduced when your teen puts in their best, and yet doesn’t get the result they thought they would or hoped for. 
 

This is even more the case when they don’t really know why. This is why I put so much emphasis on HOW and WHY in student training and coaching.  On a coaching call, I will never just tell a student - oh this part they wrote is great. I’ll tell them WHY - in relation to the question or task and the criteria or what the teacher will be looking for - and linking those together so they know exactly how to make those connections in future for  themselves. And I’ll never say - oh, you need to go into more detail here. We’ll get right into HOW they do that. What does that actually involve, look like - HOW do you actually give more detail - on what, in what way. There is a lot to this, but it’s not hard when you understand it and can properly see it - in real life and how it all works.


The second thing students are risking when they do their best, is their time and energy.

We don’t have infinite time and energy. Now, I’m sure some of us have more energy than others but, it’s not infinite. Noone can be operating at 100%, 100% of the time. And we for sure all have limited time. So when we put time and effort into a particular task, we’re taking it away from something else. Another task or subject, or time with friends or family, free time to relax and recharge, time for sports training or music, time to be working in a job- or anything else.

So by spending more time and energy on a particular thing in their study, it makes sense that your teen should want that to pay off for them. YOU want that to pay off for them. So it wasn’t a waste or could’ve been better spent on other things.  And let’s face it, most students would rather be doing something else rather than writing an essay, doing homework or revising for an exam. So they’re already giving up something, probably almost ANYTHING, else more enjoyable. Nothing wrong with that. That’s life. But it means the outcome or result that comes from that study or task really wants to be good. 

Now, of course we can’t judge this perfectly all of the time. 


The problem here though is that if your teen repeatedly puts their time and energy into study and that isn’t giving them the reward in terms of pride, satisfaction, enjoyment or hard and fast results in terms of scores or grades, then I see this tend to go one of two ways: they either stop putting as much time and energy in.  OR, they decide they need to put more in in order to get the outcomes they’re after. 

I was the latter as a student. But I definitely see and hear about both from the students I work with and parents I talk to. Obviously the ideal is that they spend a reasonable, appropriate amount of time on their study AND get the results that at least match their effort and ability. And still have energy for other things and time to recharge that energy too. We want to steer as far in the direction of maximising the ‘effort or time : to results’ ratio so they see the point in putting in the effort and are motivated to do so AND so they DON’T feel they need to be putting in more and more effort to compensate for a disproportionate result and so don’t negatively impact their life balance.

Finally, the third thing that students risk when they do their best is self-belief and pride. 
 

I remember generally always downplaying (aka ‘lying’) to friends how much time I’d spent revising for a test, or how much I cared about a result. Outwardly I didn’t want to look like a geek, and inwardly I didn’t want to admit how big or how good the outcome would need to be to match what I’d put in.

If we publicly or even privately put a lot of time and effort into something, then it can feel a not very pleasant kinda combo of disappointment and embarrassment if that doesn’t translate into a result that matches. It’s basically the opposite feeling of pride. 

Your teen can cover that up to others, including you, but they know in themselves. “You did your best and it wasn’t good enough.” That’s the message our brains usually take away and it doesn’t do much for our self belief and self confidence.  And that’s why, if we feel like we don’t have much control over the outcome, which is what it feels like when we’re guessing our way through an assignment or waffling in an essay, or randomly and passively revising, then the only logical thing we do have control over is how much time and effort we put in. 

And that’s where I see that start to decline for students, when they start not putting in as much effort, start to kinda give up - it’s not because they don’t care about their study or results, but because it’s a kind of self defence mechanism. 
That is they don’t try so hard, then they won’t be so disappointed if the result isn’t what they really want. It will actually make sense. It’s not because I’m not that smart, it’s because I didn’t try as hard. Gosh, this one makes me so sad to see.  Which is why I really want to help your teen take control over their results, have control over how they tackle tasks and have them study with a ton more clarity, understanding and insight as to what’s going on and how to succeed.

Because on the flip side, let’s finish on a high shall we after all this depressing and negative talk?! - These ‘risks’ in inverted comma’s can pay off. Your teen can put in time, effort and energy and it can result in a great outcome. And when they do, they’ll feel that pride, their confidence and self-belief will increase, and it’ll feel like a worthwhile and positive use of their time. 
 

I always remember Tammy, mum of Josh saying to me ‘the effort is now worth it, for the result.’

The point is though, there is a risk for teens to putting in effort and doing their best. Which is why I’m doing MY best to stack the odds massively in your teen’s favour.  Because this shouldn’t be about guesswork.

There is skill and strategy involved. There are tactics and techniques that will mean they can reduce the amount of time and energy they have to risk by making their study more efficient AND increase the likelihood of success at the same time.

So here’s to taking calculated and measured risks, because they WILL be spending time, effort and energy. They absolutely still need to put that in. And I do want teens to do their best. But I also want them to have it A) pay off, and B) be a solid investment, rather than a gamble. 

Thank you so much for joining me. If you’ve found this episode, or anything on the podcast helpful, I’d REALLY appreciate if you do any either of these things: leave a rating and review on iTunes or Spotify OR share this podcast with a friend who’d also find it helpful. Just send them a screenshot is the easiest way. If you do both, I’ll send you a virtual teacher gold star. That would really help me help more people. I definitely can’t get to everyone who needs this on my own unfortunately. I am trying. 

I hope you have a really great rest of your day and I’ll meet you back here next time! Bye!