Episode 130: A Positive Mindset is not Enough

TRANSCRIPT:

You’re listening to The Parents of Hardworking Teens Podcast, episode 130 - When a positive mindset is not enough. Because sometimes a little bit of a positivity boost is all we need to get us going, but sometimes, and I would go so far as to say in my experience, especially with committed students, often times what is actually needed is something much more tactical and concrete.
 

It doesn’t matter how motivated you are - if you don’t know what’s actually been going wrong up til now, what’s actually been holding you back, then you don’t know what to do differently next time, and that uncertainty, or doubt or frustration is not just going to go away and it can’t just be swept to the side and ignored.

Hello VIP’s.
How are you doing? 

I hope things are going well. As I record this the weather here is just perfect. It’s cooling down overnight, all the humidity of the summer has gone and we’re back to sunny here on the Sunshine coast after about 2 weeks of grey clouds, heavy rain and just drizzle in between. And that is especially good seeing as we still have a leaking roof in the so-called sun room while we’re still getting final plans ready to start our reno. But that’s another story.
 

Today, I actually want to share a quick story with you that got me thinking. Thinking about the role of mindset for your teen as a student, versus the actual strategy and practical aspects of study and assessment. Because I think a lot of students are trying to use resilience or conjur up confidence and determination and motivation to help them move forwards, when what they really need, at the root of things, is a complete understanding of how assessment and study and exams work , and the steps, systems and strategies to work with them and have them work to their advantage.

I was on a review call recently with a 10WGT student, I’ll change her name to Lara, and her mum. And Lara’s mum asked a really great question.
She said when Lara had previously gotten a disappointing result in a task or an exam, Lara would then find it really difficult to focus and not let it disrupt her progress and confidence in the next task she needed to be working on. And she asked me if I had any tips to help with focus or compartmentalising these things to help Lara put that last assessment behind her and be able to work productively and effectively on whatever’s next.

I sat and thought for a moment. Because I think they wanted or thought they needed some sort of mindset hack or some sort of mental strength exercise to be able to compartmentalise things better or have a strategy for better focus. And I did take a few moments before replying here because a) Although I like to think I do have a few good ways to use and improve my own mindset and help students a bit with this where I can, this is certainly not my area of expertise. And b) from my experience with students and study for almost 20 years now, that’s just trying to put a band aid on the wound.

The wound being that disappointing result. It’s like we’re trying to find a way to ignore it or push it aside, or blank it out. And I just don’t think that’s helpful. Well it can be if there’s no alternative. But I want to provide that alternative - something that actually does solve things at the root cause.
 

I’m a big fan of solving the root cause - of procrastination or a lack of focus, or a lack of motivation. And what I’ve found is that usually, the root issue is solved with tangible strategy and actionable systems and steps. It’s not about fixing a mindset issue, or just trying to get more motivated. Because here’s what I guessed was going on for Lara. And is possibly happening for your teen too in this sort of situation - I think it would for any of us.

If Lara has had a disappointing result - that implies that either she thought she’d done well but then hadn’t, which leads to confusion. 
 

Or perhaps she struggled with the task and knew it was a bit of a guess and hope situation and she hoped it might work out okay, but it didn’t and so that just reinforces the uncertainty that was already there. You weren’t sure of what you were doing, and now that proves it - you didn’t know what you were doing. 

Either way, each of those is going to create a sense of doubt about whatever you need to work on next.
 

Maybe Lara actually was feeling confident about this next task, but she felt confident last time and look how it worked out. Or, if there’s even the smallest bit of uncertainty with this next task, then this is just going to confirm that that uncertainty is indeed a problem and we can’t just guess and hope that it’ll be okay, because, look how that worked out.

Now, in this case Lara agreed that it was the situation of having thought she’d done well, but then the result didn’t match what she thought it would be.
So, that has not only dented her confidence, but in terms of being able to get on with the next task, it means that even if she was feeling confident with how to tackle it and what to do, that other task has planted a seed of doubt and uncertainty.
 

She’s gonna start questioning things. Like “well, I thought I knew what to do, but what if that isn’t right, or what if I put in all this time and effort, and then this comes back with a disappointing result as well?” And yes, we could try to brush those thoughts under the carpet and just plough on, but actually they are really valid points. That has a decent chance of happening, doesn’t it?
 

She could do everything she thinks is right and actually it isn’t quite what was being asked, or isn’t actually hitting the critera.

So, really it’s likely a very good thing that Lara is pausing to question these things. But, only if we can then get answers. Otherwise we’re just stuck in the questioning and the doubt. Which is where Lara was getting stuck previously.

And when I say pausing to question things, what that probably looks like, is maybe a lack of focus or some form of procrastination over this next task.

So, I would recommend that instead of trying to plough on regardless, carrying the doubt and uncertainty along for the journey, and just powering through, potentially having the same thing happen again - that actually we take a moment and shine a spotlight back on that previous task.
 

I recommend figuring out why that disappointing result happened - what was missed, what went wrong, where didn’t certain criteria get met and why?

This is why we have personal coaching in both of my programs. Students can come to 3 live group coaching calls in the 10 Week Grade Transformation Program to get personal help with any aspect of their study, and beyond the 10WGT, we have weekly group coaching and private coaching and ask Katie 24-7 available to Next Level members so they can have expert help to keep them moving forwards and upwards whenever they need or want. And for exactly situations like this.
 

So, in the coaching, we’ll dig into the question or task instructions, the mark scheme and success criteria AND the students’ response to figure out - not what they specifically should’ve written differently in that task - because they’re never going to have to answer that exact question or that exact assessment ever again. But figure out what was going on conceptually and strategically, identify the systems and strategies they need to get these things right next time with any task. Where did they go wrong with dissecting the question and what strategy or steps will mean they get it right next time? Where did they miss an element or criteria point? What techniques do they need to use when doing this for a different task? And how they can do all of this for themselves.

AND of course we can also work together on getting the exact right track mapped out for this next task as well. But unless Lara - or your teen -  knows exactly how to do things differently to create a different outcome in their next task, then I would absolutely not blame them for letting the previous one over-shadow it or distract them from it. 
 

Until we get a light shone on it and expose all of the issues and understand those issues and have the strategies, steps and clarity on why they happened and how to improve, then actually I don’t want them moving forwards until they do.

Otherwise, there’s a high chance that the same will happen again.

And when that happens more than once or twice, then things can really start to go downhill. Confidence gets dented, motivation is lost, and aspirations get lowered. Their work ethic decreases, because ‘what’s the point’ type thoughts start to creep in. And just trying to switch those off, paper over them, or magically turn them into rainbow and unicorn thoughts not only won’t last or really stick, they also won’t do anything to stop it happening again.

So, I would urge you and your teen to not sweep anything under the carpet and try to just compartmentalise and plough on. From all of my experience, the best and real motivation is when we understand exactly where things went wrong, and importantly know exactly what to do and how to do it next time, to more reliably create the result we’re after.

There’s nothing like having a clear path, with clear steps that you not only know what they are but have full understanding of WHY they are there. How they work. How your teen needs to tie to the wording of the task or question to exactly how they’re going to meet the criteria they’ll be marked against. That creates confidence with substance and sometimes, even a little bit of excitement as well. 

And seeing that happen for students is one of my absolute favourite things about my job. 

I hope you have a great rest of your day, and I’ll see you back here next week.
 

Bye!