SHOW NOTES

Ep. 84 -
When we want to create an outcome or result that someone else has already achieved, it can be a great idea to copy, model or emulate what they did to get there. 

However, not everything that happens on the way to achieving a goal is actually contributing positively to the desired outcome.
Is a result or outcome achieved because of or despite certain circumstances or actions along the way?
And what actions or habits are currently helping or hindering your teen's progress? 

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TRANSCRIPT:
 

You’re listening to The Parents of Hardworking Teens Podcast, episode 84 - is someone’s result, outcome or success created because of or despite what that person is doing? Just because they have certain habits, or they’re doing certain actions, not all of them will be moving them towards the goal, so the trick to your teen creating more success is figuring out which is which and making sure the positives outweigh the negatives - (because none of us are perfect and so we’ll always have both.)


Hey VIP’s! How are you? I hope your day is going really well so far. I am recording this just before our Next Level Advanced Training Event: How to Excel in English Exams. Gemma Toms our English Focus Coach and Success Manager is leading the workshop, so I’m extra excited to just be there in support of her and our students and lap up everything she’s going to be delivering. 

It’s really going to set students off on a great path in their English study - and let’s be honest, it’s not just English that all the insights and concepts and tactics can be applied to, as with everything I/we share, they are universal. So it’ll be so valuable in having students write analytically or come up with creative ideas on the spot or deal with unseen texts and sources across many of their subjects. 

On that theme of getting on a great path, today’s episode is really related to this time of year: coming off the back of new year’s resolutions and the back to school vibes in full swing, your teen may have a goal or two in mind. You might have one or two for them in mind- and depending on what they are, you both may or may not have dared to speak them. And by the way, I’m already thinking ahead and I’m going to talk a bit more about setting goals - or actually not setting them, not trying for things, for fear of failure - in next week’s episode - because a lot of times this happens subconsciously, but I really do see it happening for a lot of students and when I talk to a lot of parents. So if you think that might be a thing for your teen, if they’re reluctant or maybe a bit embarrassed or just plain don’t want to set any kind of target or even try their best for something, definitely look out for that. 

Today’s episode has come from a comment I read the other day in a Facebook group I’m in, and it felt like a good piece of advice about how to achieve or create something you want in life. Now this was not related to study, but it definitely works in study.

The original post was about struggling to get further or get more success with something they’d produced and were working on. And the comment in one of the replies was along the lines of this:

That a great way to achieve a goal is to find someone else that has done it - and importantly, and this was the part that set it apart from things like that I’d heard before - and has done it in a way that you would want to or could do it and from a similar starting position. 

That was the gist of it, or what I took from it. And the reason I liked it was because of those extras they added. Not just find someone who’s done it and try to copy them, but find someone who’s done it in a way that you’d be happy to do it or that is feasible or sustainable or doable for you. And is coming from a similar starting point. 
I think that’s important. Because there might be someone who achieved something, but they had a lot more resources than you. Or they did it by working on it for twice as many hours a week as you have available. 

Let’s say that you want to run a marathon. It’s no good following and trying to copy a person who has been exercising their whole life and now wants to run a marathon, and already has a lot of the gear and has a good base level of fitness. If you’ve never really done any exercise, don’t even have a pair of running trainers yet, can only spare an hour or two a week for training and would possibly injure yourself if you just tried starting out where they were starting, then you’re actually likely to make backwards progress rather than forwards - for example if you do get injured, and because you’re likely going to feel pretty demoralised pretty quickly.

Likewise, copying or modelling someone is not going to be the most effective way to train if you’re already running 10 k’s and you follow someone who started from ground zero, with which trainers to get and does three 10 minute jogs a week and works up from there. You’d be able to make much better progress if you find someone to model your training on who is at the same level as you, perhaps same age and build etc.
So, I thought that was helpful, I liked that extra detail. 

Let’s say your teen wanted to get an A in Maths and they’re currently on a C+. So they took the advice of an A-grader who says they do 3 extension trigonometry questions every evening for practise, but your teen isn’t actually yet fully sure of the actual trigonometry concepts or formulae. There’s little point in them doing practice questions. They’d be better off first getting some help - some teaching or tutoring for 20 minutes per evening on really understanding the concepts. THEN they can do some practice questions to check their understanding and then work up to consolidation and extension. 

THIS led me to another train of thought. The idea that you could be doing something that you think is helping, but actually it might not be making any difference, or it might even be making a negative difference. Now this comes from advice - or probably more like an observation or awareness - I heard a couple of years ago. I’m pretty sure it was from Ramit Sethi - a money/finance guy - who I remember once saying probably in a youtube video or something like that, or he might’ve actually been a guest on a podcast I was listening to - I can’t totally recall now - but he shared that if you’re going to look to someone to copy or model in order to try to achieve what they have, then you have to scrutinise things. You can’t just copy blind. For every habit, action or decision, you have to consider - are they successful because OF that thing, or despite it? 

And it makes sense, right? 

Because, there might be some things we do that move us closer to a goal, and there might be some things we do that take us away from it. None of us are perfect. And even if we were, that would rely on us always knowing the exact best things to do and always doing them. 

I think he used Warren Buffett as an example - named as the most successful investor of all time. And here are some facts about him and what he does and how he lives and works. Warren lives - it feels weird saying Warren  - it’s one of those names that needs the whole name like Barack Obama. You can never just say Barack. Anyway Warren has a net worth of over $100billion today and lives in a modest home that he bought in 1978 and in 2023 was still driving a 2014 registered car in 2023.

He drinks Coca Cola every day - and not just one can apparently - plus, he would get a Maccas breakfast on the way to the office every weekday. He’s not into social media at all. His Twitter account is followed by over a million people, but only has 9 tweets and he only personally wrote one of them, and he doesn’t follow anyone.

He reads every day and says he spends about 80% of his waking hours reading the news and studying stocks.

Now, if someone wanted to achieve financial success through investing in stocks, it makes sense that they might try to emulate Warren’s habits and actions? 

And within that little selection I just shared, there are certainly some things that have clearly contributed to his success, there are some things that likely make no difference either way. And interestingly, linking back to my previous point about the stage you’re at with things - perhaps that frugal mentality with not moving to a huge mansion or having the latest flashy car is the mindset that actually got him up the first few rungs on the ladder early on - by investing rather than spending. But now, it would make very little difference to him today if he did or didn’t do those things, as he’s so much further along. 

And of course there are things that actually would be a negative.  Drinking coke and eating mcDonalds every day isn’t great health-wise, and part of the reason that Warren Buffett has amassed so much wealth is due to the effect of compounding and the fact that he’s lived to 93 - and counting. So he’s lived to that age and been able to compound his wealth DESPITE those habits or choices or actions. 


Let’s take an example for your teen. 

Let’s say that there’s a student your teen knows who get’s their essays written in half the time it takes your teen and they always get a higher mark, Not saying they should want that, or that every student should want that, it could be any example, they make it into the first team for basketball, or they are amazing at playing the guitar. Whatever it is - but for now, let’s stick to a simple study example. 

So let’s say they get straight A’s in every essay they write and it takes them half the time it takes your teen to write them. And let’s say that your teen also wants to get straight A’s in their essays and get them done faster because they just take SO LONG to research, draft and re-draft and edit. And let’s also say that they’re doing the same subjects.

Now, let’s say that your teen knows that the other student has the following daily habits and does the following things:

- They study for 3 hours every day after school.

- They go for a run 3 times a week.

- They scroll social media for at least 15 mins every morning in bed first thing in the morning before they get up.

- Drink an energy drink on the way to school every day.

- They always leave their phone in the kitchen while they study.

- They watch an hour of Netflix before bed every night.


Now, if we followed the traditional advice, of find someone who’s getting the results you want and copy them, you can tell, that wouldn’t necessarily be the very best thing to do. 


The most strategic thing to do is to figure out what’s actually contributing positively to the outcome and what is detracting from it AND what isn’t really having any impact either way.

AND couple that with what their situation is and how much that does or doesn’t align with your teen’s situation. What is the context, what background factors are there that might also influence things?

So, if they ‘study’ for 3 hours every evening does that move them closer to the result they want? It might help, but it really depends on what they are actually doing in that time. Is it effective? Are they doing tasks or activities that will really move the needle, or are they things that feel productive but aren;’t actually having a huge impact?

If they drink a can of energy drink every morning, is that the key to their success? No. But is it something they do repeatedly each day? Yes. But this isn’t something they want to copy. This student is likely getting a quick energy high but then a low right when they want to be their most alert and switched on. This is an example of being successful despite this habit.

If they have their phone out of the room while they’re studying, is that making a positive difference? Almost certainly yes. Less distractions, less time wasting, more focus on their actual study. This would be something to copy.

Do they need to start going for a run? Maybe, if it helps their mindset and overall wellbeing. Is it directly related? No. Indirectly - perhaps. So if your teen doesn’t want to go running, but thinks that having something like that could help them, then what could they do that provides the same or similar positive impact?
And this is the point… it’s all about what outcome is being created. It’s not about the habits or the actions themselves, it’s about what result or outcome they produce. 

I know that students aren’t going around actively looking for role models or people to copy. Maybe we all do it to some degree. Either consciously or subconsciously - Or sometimes do the opposite. Look at a situation and know that’s what you don’t want so actively attempt to do the opposite. (I definitely did this as a teenager - oh, this is what my mum does or recommends - I’ll definitely not do that). Oh my goodness. 

I’m using this advice for achieving a goal as a springboard to consider things in a more general way for your teen. What they’re doing, what they’re not doing, and being aware of the outcome that’s getting them closer to or further away from. 

How I see it is: the key is to make the things that take us towards a goal as big as possible so they outweigh the things that move us away. Because none of us are perfect. We’re never going to nail just all the positive ones. And honestly, some of these are probably going to conflict in life. Having a fun night out might be great for our friendships and life balance, but not so great for that early footy match the next morning. So the mix is definitely a part of life. Something that will make them think or consider something they haven’t thought about/looked at before or in a different way.

And like I said… your teen doesn’t have to be trying to model or copy anyone to do this. 
They can just look at their own actions and habits. And maybe a time like now, a couple of weeks into the term, could be a great time to do this. It’s enough time to see what’s happening, what they are doing, what they’re not doing but not so much time that those habits are carved in stone. 

Do they want to make any small changes? Certainly small changes can certainly still be impactful. 

Just 5 maths questions a week - means 50 questions banked in a term. 200 in a year.
There’s a good book about that - The Slight Edge. Or at least I really liked it. I can’t remember who wrote it, but it’s all about how small but constructive decisions and actions can really add up. Kinda like the compounding effect of money and Mr Warren Buffett. Though I’m sure he made some pretty big moves too.

So, maybe there’s just one big change that they need or want to make. 
Like - hint hint - not having their phone in their room when they study.
One change - one commitment. But if that was their only one rule or change they made and stuck to it for the whole year - can you imagine the impact that would have on their productivity, focus and output?

Figuring out what’s really going to move the needle in the right direction and in the biggest way is one of the most effective things students can do. Also figuring out what they’re doing but isn’t actually having much of an impact, or could have a much greater impact with a couple of tweaks, AND what’s moving them backwards, away from the goal or result they want. 

Sometimes, looking at others, thinking about other people, even outside of study - sportspeople, successful entrepreneurs, whoever they might look up to in some way, rather than straight away trying to self-evaluate and critique themselves, which can be hard both logically and emotionally,  it can be easier to look at others and do this and then reflect it back on themself. Consider what are they successful because of, what are they successful despite, and where is that the case for themselves - and are there any changes they like to therefore make or anything to double-down on? Or where are they even unclear? If they don’t know, then that’s something in itself to realise and build on. Might be interesting to just build a bit of awareness.

So, I hope this has been helpful. And if you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while now and have found it helpful in any way, I’d be so grateful if you’d quickly take two seconds, two taps on the screen wherever you’re listening to this to give it a rating - and maybe, even a review if you’re feeling generous today 🙂 I will really appreciate it if you do.

Here’s to achieving the results and outcomes they want this year - and having a strategy to making it happen. 

I hope you and your teen have a great rest of your week and I'll meet you back here next week - take care, bye!